Friday, May 2, 2014

Motherhood Is Not For Me

I follow this cute blog called Jen Loves Kev. I've never met Jen, but I already know from reading the thoughts she shares that we have a lot of common bonds - we both love Jesus, are moms to little ones, (aaand we share a passion for BDG denim.)  ;)

Jen recently shared the exciting news that her family is beginning the process of foster care, and she posted a related article that has really stuck with me the past few weeks.

I'm not leaving any subtle clues here - we are not in a place right now to be able to do foster care, (though I wish we were. Maybe one day!) What has challenged me from that article is the part about going into something like foster care with the wrong motives, and how I am prone to going into so many things with the wrong heart.

Motherhood is where I'm convicted most. While I can't remember ever having the specific, conscious thought "I want to be a mom for my own gratification," I am realizing my actions and thought processes show that that's exactly where my heart has been.  Those days (and there are many of them) where parenting takes every ounce of physical, emotional and spiritual energy I have, I'll find myself getting depressed and feeling very discontent and impatient with this time of life. I am realizing now that a source of this discontent lies in that subtle belief I've hidden inside that motherhood is somehow for and about me. Wrong, wrong wronger.

I want my journey in parenting to be about the Lord. About Him, for Him, in Him and through Him. I'm thankful He is moving me from my state of unconscious incompetence to a state of conscious incompetence, and am trusting that He'll be competence for me.

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