Baby W.

Last weekend I was given a rather spur-of-the-moment opportunity to try my hand at newborn photography! (Yikes!) This was something totally new for me, and going into it I felt overwhelmed with pressure. Luckily the subject was the son of one of my closest girlfriends, and it ended up being a fun (sometimes hilarious) afternoon. Baby W. is such a handsome little sweetheart!

I was surprised how good it was for me to dust off my camera last weekend and remember my old love and fascination of it. Taking pictures for people I love is, I'm finding, one of my favorite ways of expressing love for them. I think I had forgotten that. I think I've also been forgetting how much I enjoy photography as a creative outlet. Taking pictures for others quickly demonstrates to me how very little I know, and how much more I'd like to know about my camera.

In a season where I have to choose very carefully what to invest time in (as time is in such limited supply,) these are good things for me to realize and think about.

The One Where I Basically Just Talk About My Kids' BMs.

So the past week kind of sucked. (Language. I know, Mom.)

Let's see... Matt was sick for a solid 8 days before he finally, (very grudgingly) obliged me by taking himself to Urgent Care where he was told he has a bad case of pneumonia. (Will someone enlighten me why men, even with the blessed benefit of health insurance, make such a fuss about going to a doctor when they're sick?) Don't worry, he's loaded up on all kinds of drugs and it seems like he will live. (If you detect a strain of bitterness in my report, it may be because I'm still brooding over the fact that we had to cancel my birthday dance class AND a visit from friends for the holiday weekend.)

Oh but it gets better.

Silas has had the runs for a couple of days (and by runs I mean I'm constantly running him back and forth from the tub and running his poopy laundry up and down the stairs multiple times a day.) And the diaper rash - oh my word, this kid's diaper rash. We've gone through almost two tubes of ultra strength Desitin in just two days. 

Ironically, our littlest one could not poop the last few days and yesterday she slept maybe 20 minutes all. day. long. (Don't worry - a little prune juice solved the problem, resulting in a blowout that rivaled the worst that Silas could do.) 

Ok, now that I've ruined your appetite for the rest of the day, I'll stop. (Thanks for letting me vent, though, I do feel better.)

I promise I'll be back with a less gross post soon.

I Wish I Knew

If I could only go back and give my 22-year-old-new-mom self a pep talk... 

I would tell her stop comparing her birth, her recovery, her baby girl to her friends' stories and babies. 

I would tell her to just breathe baby Olive in like she was the last baby she would ever have. 

I would tell her that yes, she might be that person that all the Facebook memes demonize, who had an epidural, gave up on breastfeeding after 6 weeks and never co-slept with her infant - but that her formula-fed baby will grow up to be a beautiful, healthy four year old with an imagination the size of Texas, who is reading chapter books and writing stories and putting together 200 piece puzzles...and all the worrying and stressing and comparing will be such a huge waste of precious time. 

I would tell her that the instinct that God gave her is a powerful thing, and that she should trust it more.

I would tell her to not take what others say so personally. Everyone has free parenting advice and they'll always be eager to share it, and it's not necessarily an attack on you. Take everything with a grain of salt and carry on...

I would tell her to accept help when help is offered. It doesn't mean you can't handle everything. It doesn't mean you are a failure. It doesn't mean you are going to look weak. In the end, it really just means extra moments for you to just gaze at your beautiful baby and memorize every little detail about her. 

I would tell her to please not join any of these stupid, political "camps" we mothers like to set up to divide us, especially in our online worlds. (What'up with that, ladies?)  Holding to a specific parenting philosophy is fine and well (and it's fan-flipping-tastic if it works great for you and your kids!) but if it becomes more important to you than loving the other women in your life who are struggling or who are choosing a different path for themselves and their families, then priorities need reevaluating. Pronto.

I would tell her to love and cherish her husband. Always. I would tell her there will be a lot of times where choosing to love her husband will be hard, but that it will always always always be the right choice.

I would tell her that it's totally ok to talk to the doctor when the baby blues get to be too overwhelming. I would tell her there is no shame in asking for help. And I would tell her that talking to the doctor doesn't automatically mean it's time for a prescription - sometimes talking to the doctor means getting referred to a good counselor or just getting good common-sense advice like: take a little a time off once in a while and get your nails done, or take yourself out for a coffee. Sometimes the little things will make a huge difference.

I would tell her that one day, she will be hit with the reality that these days are much too brief. The sadness and bittersweetness of it will overwhelm her. So breathe that baby girl in... Memorize the littlest details and feelings and store them up in a safe, forever place in your heart, because the saying is true: "babies don't keep."

meet small frey #4

matt and i were nervous wrecks as we went into the ultrasound room at the midwives' office this afternoon. (or at least, i was. my husband has nerves of steel. i have nerves of...what's the opposite of steel?)

we are SO thankful that the ultrasound immediately showed a rather healthy looking peanut of a baby, with a nice strong heartbeat. baby even obliged us with a little wiggle-dance, which was exciting!

we told olive "there's our baby! how would you like a baby of our own?" to which she replied "baby stinky."

we foresee many fun adjustments in the near future!

we're almost 9 weeks along, and our official due date is march 30th, 2012. (which means we might end up with two april fools babies!) :)

so it begins.

it started in ohio, and seems to be getting worse each day.

luckily it gets better by late afternoon, and i start to feel like a normal human being around 6pm.

i'm taking it as a good sign. i never got sick with my two losses. 

midwife appointment in the morning.. hoping that i'll find out how far along we are!

two-day "date" and surprises

it has been HOT!

my mother in law watched olive for a couple of nights last week, while my niece and nephew were in town visiting (olive loves cousin time!) it was very quiet and lonely at home without baby girl, but we tried to take advantage of the time together. we saw "captain america" at a local dinner theater, and stuffed ourselves silly on burgers (sans buns!) and popcorn.

it's a treat getting to go out for coffee by ourselves. we even got to read through the paper without olive spilling milk all over it.. ;)

i had been feeling kind of funny for a week or two, so with fingers crossed we took a little test to see

if our suspicious would be confirmed...

it's really too early to be sharing, but since only our families read this blog, i thought i'd share the "proof." we're very happy, and very anxious as the first trimester can be so scary. i'm looking forward to (hopefully) getting an early ultrasound next week so we can get a little peace of mind!