My Fortes

(This month I'm participating in Jeni's Blog Every Day in May challenge. Today's prompt is "educate us on something you know a lot about or are good at.") 

I complain to my husband all the time that "I'm not good at anything." (This is particularly worrisome when you're married to a man who is good at everything. I am not even exaggerating.)

So rather than do this post "tutorial style," I thought I'd just use the space to list, in no definitive order, the things that I excel at. Prepare to be amazed.

I Am Good At:

1. Dirtying up every dish in my kitchen while trying to make one simple meal. 

2. Changing any (and I mean any) diaper with just one wipe. I've got this down to a science.

3. Making huge blonde babies with ornery, stubborn attitudes. 

4. Always ordering the wrong thing at coffee shops or restaurants. It's a matter of wanting to be adventurous but never having it work out right. It's the same way with haircuts for me...

5. Laughing at totally inappropriate times. Church? Check. Bible study? Check. I'm just waiting for it to happen at a wedding or funeral...

6. Finding lost things.

7. Eating chocolate. If only you could make a living at it...

8. Calmly doing a throat swipe while my 1 year old is gagging on a piece of banana. (I know, I thought I would freak out and not be able to do it too!) 

9. Blabbing news and stories that I should really just keep within the family. 

10. Believing I have each and every one of the weird, rare diseases showcased on House M.D. 

11. Taking ridiculous, embarrassing selfies with my phone.

12. Not letting the fact that I'm waaaay over 21 keep me from shopping at the Forever 21. Or from reading Lucky Magazine in the bathtub. Or from painting my nails with pink glitter. Or from blasting Willow Smith on my iPod when working out. (See what I mean about number 9 up there?)